


Blasphemous Prompts

by kahlannightwing



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale Has a Penis (Good Omens), Aziraphale Has a Vulva (Good Omens), Aziraphale is Thirsty, Blasphemy, Bottom Aziraphale (Good Omens), Christmas, Cock Rings, Crowley Has a Penis (Good Omens), Elevator Sex, F/M, Fluff, Frottage, M/M, Oral Sex, Pre-Established Relationship AU, Sentient Objects, Sex, Top Crowley (Good Omens), Vibrator
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-17
Packaged: 2021-02-24 17:00:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21801325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kahlannightwing/pseuds/kahlannightwing
Summary: A series of short ficlets for the12 Days of Blasphemy prompts on tumblr.All of these will be NSFW. Most of these will be PWP (porn without plot, or plot what plot). Most of these will be kink/kinky. Different ideas will be presented so heed the tags. Each chapter will contain separate beginning notes with warnings for that chapter.I might not get all the days. I'm just happy to do this as an exercise.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley/War (Good Omens)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 105
Collections: 12 Days of Blasphemy





	1. Halo

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: cock rings, Aziraphale has a vulva, vibrator, Top Crowley/Bottom Aziraphale

The South Downs cottage was decorated for the holidays. Aziraphale had been the first to suggest it, as they'd walked hand in hand down a quiet, snowy street in the village nearest their home, gazing into windows filled with holiday decorations. He'd just blithely remarked that their cottage was perfectly shaped for Christmas lights and perhaps some interior decorations as well.

Crowley, who had come up with the idea of commercializing Christmas and would give anything to his angel he asked for, nodded, smiling, and said nothing until they'd arrived home. 

When they turned the corner, Aziraphale had gasped and clutched his arm. The entire cottage was lit with Christmas lights, even to the white picket fence that surrounded it. Stepping inside was entering a classic Christmas cottage, stockings over the mantlepiece, garland decorating every flat surface, and a tree perfectly placed near the fireplace, glowing with white lights and ornaments.

Under the tree were boxes, festively wrapped and tied with ribbon.

"Oh, Crowley, this is lovely!" Aziraphale turned, leaning in to plant a kiss on Crowley's cheek. "Thank you, my dear!"

"Stop it," Crowley chided gently, sauntering to the tree and tangling up his legs underneath him as he sat down. "Come open the presents!" He beamed up at Aziraphale exactly like a kid on Christmas morning.

"Crowley! These can't all be for me!" He sounded offended at the thought, and Crowley's brows knit with confusion. Chuckling, he waved both hands in the air and walked to the tree, sitting down on the floor primly beside him. His hands smacked his pants legs. "That won't do at all!"

His hand rose, his fingers snapped in the air, and he drew it down. The number of presents under the tree doubled, and Crowley laughed and clapped his hands. "Great idea, angel! Now let's have a proper Christmas!"

The smile on Aziraphale's face was not completely innocent as he agreed. Crowley didn't notice it for grabbing a present, handing it off to Aziraphale to unwrap, and unwrapped his own. So they went until there was only one present under the tree unwrapped, the wrapping paper miracled away as soon as it touched the floor and all the presents strewn about them both with love and care.

"Now what's this," Crowley inquired, smirking as he picked up the small box and wiggled it. He felt the shifting weight of something solid inside as it thumped against the sides of the box. "This is the odd one out, angel."

"Oh, you should open it, Crowley. It's for both of us from me." Aziraphale's smile widened, a mischievous glint to his eyes.

An eyebrow raising, Crowley spared Aziraphale a dubious look before tearing into the wrapping with all the chaotic energy of a demon at Christmas. He used long nails to puncture the tape around the box and then paused as he opened the flaps and stared inside it.

Aziraphale shifted where he sat, his smile fading to uncertain as his hands plucked at his pants legs. Crowley stared in silence for a full minute, Aziraphale holding his breath, before he plucked out the small box inside with the picture on the front of something that looked like a large ring made of a silicone material with a shiny round button on top.

"Soooooo, this is a sex toy, angel," he stated, that brow rising to his hairline.

Aziraphale's laughter was shot through with nerves. "Oh, well, yes. Yes it is. I just thought that maybe we could try a little something. A little something different, my dear. But of course this is all with your consent-"

"Yes."

"I-I beg your pardon?" Aziraphale's eyes widened at the interruption, watching as Crowley stood and began to divest himself of his shirt. "What are you-? You want to do it here? Right now?"

Crowley wriggled out of his pants, tossing them to the side with one foot and then posing with a half hard cock dangling right in front of Aziraphale's nose. "Haven't finished unwrapping the present yet, have we, angel?"

"We-well I suppose, but in front of the Christmas tree?" Aziraphale placed a hand to his chest at the scandal before it slid up to his bowtie to begin loosening it.

Noticing the movement, Crowley smirked as his nails sliced the tape holding the box closed and lifted out the cock ring. "Christmas tree won't mind. Does the cock ring have a-" He jumped, almost dropping the donut-shaped object as his finger pressed on the side and it vibrated to life. A laugh burst from him as he slid it onto one finger and spun it around in the air. "Angel, you've been naughty."

"You shall just have to punish me, my dear," he agreed, his hands undoing his waistcoat and shirt in quick succession.

Crowley knelt back down, nodding as he palmed the cock ring and brought his other hand down to his cock to stroke it into hardness. "Sure will. I got some coal for your stock- No, that one's terrible." He grimaced as Aziraphale choked out a laugh.

"It really is, but the sentiment is appreciated. Now, let me just get off my pants…." He trailed off as he stuck his tongue out one side of his mouth and wriggled the pants over his thighs. Crowley's hand moved to assist, tossing them aside once they were clear of his legs. "Ah, much better."

Crowley stared between Aziraphale's legs. "I see we've changed the carpet."

"Changed the- Oh, Crowley, don't be obtuse. Of course I have to have a vagina. The vibration is meant to be against my clit," Aziraphale chided.

"I know where it's meant to be," Crowley purred, his hand going between his own legs as his brow puckered. Aziraphale leaned up to watch him slide the cock ring, still vibrating, onto his leaking cock.

"Oh, that's lovely, Crowley."

"Say 'clit' again, angel." That was a darker growl, and Aziraphale looked with wide eyes at Crowley's face to catch his tongue peeking out to swipe across his lips. Crowley placed a hand to either side of Aziraphale, crawling closer to him until Aziraphale could feel the heat between their legs meeting.

"I want you to slide inside me, my dear, and press that vibrating cock ring against my throbbing clit," he stated, leaning back on his elbows and spreading himself wide. One of his legs hooked at the back of Crowley's, nudging him forward.

"Angel," Crowley moaned, his head falling forward until his tongue met Aziraphale's hot skin, tracing a swath from his collarbone and over his neck.

Groaning, Aziraphale's head fell back, feeling Crowley's erection nudge against his wet pussy. Uttering a soft keening noise, he spread out further, his leg pulling Crowley toward his body insistently.

Teeth scraped across his chin, kisses drifting over his shoulder as Crowley shifted there, rocking his cock against Aziraphale's pussy with growing intensity, but still not penetrating. Aziraphale felt the vibration tease against his clit and whimpered. "There-there's settings. Seven different...ones," he gasped out.

"Sssettings," Crowley hissed in question. He leaned back, reaching to run a placating hand through Aziraphale's curls as he whimpered, and narrowed his eyes at the cock ring. Smirking, his other hand moved to fumble at the cock ring experimentally.

Aziraphale's ass lifted off the floor as, in quick succession, Crowley went through the other six settings with no warning. He lifted up his head and glared at Crowley's smirk. "Why I never! You're supposed to select one!"

"No, you're supposed to select one, angel." Crowley switched to the second setting, spent a couple seconds on it, and then moved on to the next, watching Aziraphale's expression intently. "Tell me which one you like," he rumbled.

"Oh, oh! Th-the fourth one, Crowley. I think it's the-" He broke off as his hips bucked up, pressing Crowley's cock against his pussy as he cried out.

"That one then," Crowley stated in a strained tone. He had a look of intense concentration that shifted from Aziraphale's face to where they were rubbing together. "I'm going to ssslide into you now."

"Yes, yes! Please, yes, Crowley fuck me!"

As expletives went, this one was unexpected enough that Crowley's hips jerked forward, sinking into Aziraphale with a soft noise. Aziraphale answered him with a long, low moan that vibrated between them. Surging forward, Crowley pressed their lips together hungrily, slipping further inside him.

Aziraphale's hands wrapped around Crowley, threading through his hair and pulling enough to earn a content grunt. Their teeth clacked together as tongues slid over one another. Aziraphale sucked on Crowley's until his hips were thrusting, his cock wrapped around a pussy that pulsed with every humming press of the cock ring against Aziraphale's clit.

Hands shifting to cup Aziraphale's ass, he lifted him up, going back in an angle that broke the kiss so that Aziraphale could arch and cry into the air. Crowley chuckled, staring down at Aziraphale as he writhed on his cock, feeling each heady squeeze of his pussy as he slammed in and out of him.

"You're close," he teased knowingly.

"Ah-hah! Yes. So close! Don't...stop."

"Never. I'll never stop." The words had a double meaning as he loomed overtop of Aziraphale, bent at the waist to add leverage to this movements. Aziraphale's cries grew higher in pitch, his hands drawing down Crowley's back until he could feel the nails pressing into his skin.

He couldn't arch and press into Aziraphale at the same time, so the added sensation built until he his motions became erratic, panting as he strained to keep his eyes open and on Aziraphale. "Going to...to come."

"Ooh, come inside me! Deep inside! Make me messy," were the answering cries. "Crowley!" He felt the first warning flutter of Aziraphale's pussy and then it squeezed around his cock, over and over.

His hips jerked, once and then twice, before he groaned in elation, going still with his cock deep inside Aziraphale as he released into him as messy as he'd demanded. He grinned, watching the expression on Aziraphale's face light up even more. One of Aziraphale's hands flopped onto his stomach as he moaned, wriggled his body down onto Crowley's cock more, and slid his hand over his own skin from nipple to hip.

"Hah, you-you hedonist," Crowley laughed haltingly as Aziraphale continued to orgasm around his cock, causing him to twitch in sensitivity.

"Mmm, I knew you've like my Halo," came the lazy reply as Aziraphale smiled at him with such contentment his face glowed.

"Your...what?" Crowley slid out of him with a groan, making even more of a mess he'd worry about later. For now, he laid himself on top of Aziraphale, hands curling into his hair as Aziraphale embraced him.

"That's the name of the sex toy, Crowley."

Crowley barked a laugh. "Of course it is." He smiled and kissed Aziraphale's chest. "Mmm, love your Halo."

And Crowley was right. The Christmas tree didn't mind at all.


	2. Eastern Star / Prayer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aziraphale is ensuring the birth of Christ goes smoothly. Crawly has a point of contention about the "Eastern Star" used to guide a select few to the child. Aziraphale and Crawly seem to already Know each other quite well however.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pre-established relationship AU, oral sex, blasphemy (?)

"Well, that's a strange sight."

Aziraphale jumped, guilty hands clutching at the sides of his robes as his thoughts were wrenched away from worrying about all the other people who were without a room besides Mary and Joseph. He stood on a plateau that overlooked the town of Bethlehem, lit with candlelight even from this far away.

Turning on his heels, he regarding the black-robed figure standing behind him with surprise. "Crawly! Wha-what's a strange sight?" He had no idea how he always managed to sneak up on him.

An eyebrow rose as Crawly stepped around to his left and faced the town as well, turning his head to regard Aziraphale with pursed lips and open curiosity in his golden eyes. "That planet. It's almost like a divine light is flowing down from it and highlighting a certain spot in that town."

"O-oh!" Aziraphale snapped his head around to stare straight ahead, his lips thin as his fingers moved erratically over his robes, gathering the cloth into a bunch inside his grip. "Is it? How very curious!" Frowning, he looked back over at Crawly, whose lips were curving into amusement. "That's a star!"

Eyes flying wide, Crawly's lips twisted into a grimace before his expression relaxed. He barked a laugh. "That's a planet. The Greeks called it Aphrodite, and the Romans Venus. It certainly isn't a star! Stars are suns! It's totally different."

He spoke with the conviction of someone who wasn't just relying on faith, and Aziraphale hated to argue when he sounded so sure of himself and they weren't drunk. "We-well I might've told some people it was a star to the east."

"A star to the east," Crawly punctuated with bewilderment. "It sets in the east, yeah." He turned to stare at the planet and worked his mouth a couple times. "So who did you tell?"

Aziraphale noted he didn't ask why, even though they both knew that question was burning inside him. "Some shepherds and some wise men. They were quite thankful for the directions."

"I'm sure you give directions to lost, random strangers all the time," he quipped. Crawly eyes glowed as he stared at Aziraphale. "Mission?" The simple question allowed more information if Aziraphale could give it. By now, they had an understanding that sharing wasn't always possible for Aziraphale.

Crawly seemed to share his mission objectives quite freely, which was both flattering and insulting, as if he wasn't worried Aziraphale could thwart him.

"Oh, yes. A very important one. Afraid I can't go into details. Just directing people for a special event."

"Like a birth? Mary is going to have the child tonight? Figured she was about due for it." Crawly didn't stop staring.

Aziraphale was aware that the play of expressions across his face were watched closely: dismay, worry, consternation, and a bit of relief. "I didn't know you were aware," he murmured, casting his gaze down at the dirt under his sandals.

He heard an inelegant snort beside him. "Gabriel came down in all his glory," he spat, voice dripping with sarcasm, "to bring good tidings to her. Then he flitted off with no real advice." Word gets around when an angel visits and a girl has a virgin birth. We were both there when the prophet talked about it."

"We were, yes." He smiled, a fond edge as he remembered the moment, both of them in the same room of the palace with Isiah as he spoke in lovely verse of not only the hope of Israel, but a new hope as well, in the future. It was this hope.

"You've got such a sappy look in your eyes," Crawly chided. "How did she look?"

Aziraphale flushed and glanced up at Crawly with wide eyes. "Who? Mary? Oh, she was glowing! Joseph was quite beside himself-"

"The men usually are."

Aziraphale glared at the interruption. "-and they're comfortably set up...someplace safe and warm. Are you on a mission as well?" The question held a tinge of worry.

"Me? Nope." Crawly grinned, inching closer to Aziraphale. Their hands brushed between them. "I'm free tonight. Hell isn't going to mess this up."

"Because they have other plans," Aziraphale grumbled, but his fingers found and curled around Crawly's.

Smiling with pleasure, Crawly nodded. "Well, yeah, but that's not for a bit. You done with your mission?"

"Yes, the star-"

"-planet-"

"will guide the shepherds and wise men to the...location. Mary will be fine." They both knew it was a reprieve for whatever was planned for the son of God, but right now was not a time he wanted to worry about that.

Crawly's hand curled into his own, and he looked up to see him smiling. "Reminds me of Eve. You remember, when Abel was born?"

"Oh, yes. Neither of us realized it would be that messy!" He wrinkled his nose and then smiled. "Or that beautiful."

"That wasn't the only thing that was beautiful," came the smooth rumble beside him.

"And messy," Aziraphale attempted to tease, but Crawly's eyes were too soft for humor. Aziraphale let a sigh escape him as he leaned in to meet Crawly, their lips brushing softly.

"Think anyone's watching, angel?"

Aziraphale knew the worry was for him and Heaven seeing them like this. "I think they're all rather busy watching the birth," he assured, turning his body toward Crawly and reaching a hand to brush his red hair behind his ear. "I want to feel you again."

"I want to too. Wanted it for centuries." Crawly stepped closer to him, until Aziraphale's hand was tangled in his hair. "Maybe someday-"

"What we have is nice, Crawly."

He fell quiet, his smile dimming, and then he smiled and brightened it. Aziraphale could still see the hurt of it in his eyes though. "Yeah. It's nice, angel." He leaned in to kiss him again, pressing their bodies close as his hands moved to grasp Aziraphale's hips under his robes.

Moaning, Aziraphale arched into the contact, the hand in Crawly's hair tugging until he hissed. His yellow eyes were amused though, and a forked tongue came out to lick his lips as he leaned back from their kiss. "You want it rougher tonight?"

Aziraphale considered it for a moment, but his mind went back to that first birth. Abel had been born and the shock of how it had occurred had sent them both into the night air, away from the tent and out into the sparse grassland.

He hadn't understood how it happened. It was much like the rain at the wall around Eden. They both moved at the same time, desperately kissing at first. Then they had moved with a slow kind of passion, easing into the ritual of their corporations learning what sex felt like.

"Oh, my dear, I think I'd like to enjoy it. Nice and slow." He smiled and ducked his head down, glancing at Crawly from behind his lashes.

Crawly's gaze was nothing short of fond. "Would I treat you like a prayer, angel?" He lifted Aziraphale's hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to the back of it. "Let me get down on my knees."

"Crawly, that's entirely-" Aziraphale's protest was swallowed up by Crawly's serpentine movements as he slid to his knees and lifted up Aziraphale's robes, his tongue finding his cock and licking up the shaft eagerly. "Crawly!"

"Mmmm, I worship at your altar." Aziraphale couldn't see him, and that made the wet sensation of his tongue circling his head intense. Hands curled around to the back of his legs to hold him steady. He pulled back and the loss of heat made Aziraphale whimper. "I prostrate myself. I'm at your mercy."

"That's…." He felt dizzy with the heat suffusing his face, and his heart strained as it beat a rhythm out of his chest. Thoughts scattering, he grasped at his robe where's Crawly's head was, pushing him toward his cock. "Blasphemous fiend!"

Chuckling, Crawly leaned back to take his cock in his mouth, swallowing him with long and slow thrusts past his lips. He made a noise, drawn-out, around his cock, and Aziraphale didn't mask his own moan.

Despite the pace, Aziraphale's legs were trembling, hips thrusting into Crawly's hot mouth. He came what seemed minutes later, a hushed apology past his lips before he cried out. Crawly's hands clenched on his ass, and he didn't draw back.

Azirapahle thought he might have swallowed all of him come, and when Crawly popped out from his robes, smiling, he didn't see any evidence he was wrong. "No apologies, angel. Better than holy water."

"Crawly," he panted, still trying to protest the context of the words.

Rising up slightly, Crawly's hands drew up Aziraphale's back, and for a moment he felt them ghosting over his wings, caught in another plane of reality. "Not done with my prayer, angel. Come on. Lie down and let me finish it."

"I swear," Aziraphale stuttered as he let Crawly lie him in the sand, which miraculously stayed put," if you say 'amen' at the end-"

Laughing, Crawly shook his head, hiking up Aziraphale's robes to expose his cock before he stripped off his own robe and tossed it aside, the black cloth fluttering in the air before lying still on the sand. "I promise I won't. Now relax, guardian of the eastern gate. Hear my prayer."

He intoned it with such reverence that Aziraphale went still and silent as his hands caressed down his sides, to his hips, and then slid around toward his cock, touching around it. He palmed his balls, eliciting a gasp from Aziraphale, and then began to stroke his cock.

He could have miracled his erection back to life, but the slow, tender ministrations were pleasant. It sent shivering aches up Aziraphale's spine. He watched himself harden under Crawly's hands, pupils blown wide.

When Crawly looked up at him from between his legs, his own eyes were all gold, no whites remaining. "I'm ready for you, angel. Are you ready?"

Numbly, he nodded, and then he licked his lips to speak. "Yes. Yes, I want you. So much, Crawly."

"I want you too, angel," was the soft reply. Crawly went to his knees again, but this time he was looming over Aziraphale's prone body, his naked skin burnished silver by the light of the eastern star. He steadied himself with a hand on Aziraphale's chest, his other hand guiding Aziraphale inside of him, where he was slick and tight.

"Ah, Crawly!" Aziraphale's hands shuddered in the air between them before his nails dragged down his chest, earning a hiss. He smoothed his palms up his skin in apology. "You're beautiful."

"No. You," he shot back. A smile flitted over his face as he rocked on Aziraphale's cock, tossing back his head to groan into the night air. He rolled his hips, Aziraphale's thrusts struggling to match his grace.

He felt clumsy and hot and out of breath, and when Crawly leaned down to smile and kiss him, he felt perfect.

Their motion fell into sync, the starlight highlighting their bodies as they swayed in pleasure with each other. When Crawly's orgasm pulsed out of him, it caught him off-guard. He gasped, tightening upwards with an arched back. Aziraphale's fingers grasped desperately at Crawly's skin, dragging over his stomach until a hand caught his cock as it came, stroking the rest out of him.

Crawly's hands clenched at Aziraphale's chest, eyes wide as he sought air and made keening noises deep in his throat until he was wrung dry. The tightening around Aziraphale's erection made him push up once and then twice before he came deep inside Crawly with a shout that echoed down the plateau.

Crawly draped on top of Aziraphale, sharing light kisses as they caught their breaths. Finally Aziraphale sighed. "Really now. Prayer?"

Crawly chuckled. "I was in the moment."

"But-"

"Come on, angel. Let's not ruin the moment. Let's stay here until the sun rises." Crawly's voice remained light, but Aziraphale caught the strain there.

"Ah, yes, of course, my dear." He laid his hands on Crawly's head where it rested on his chest, petting through the red strands as Crawly drifted to sleep.

Maybe someday, they could have more than just this. Aziraphale sent a silent prayer up to the star in the sky that it would be so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I realized Sunday night I wouldn't get the prompt done on time, but I was halfway through. Then I realized I couldn't finish half of one prompt and a full other. I've combined the two days. This went into a direction I didn't expect!


	3. Kneeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaiman has already confirmed what the elevator scene actually was, but what if...? Crowley and Aziraphale step into the elevator after the trials of Heaven and Hell. How in the world does sex get involved? Who cares? Everyone likes elevator sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> elevator sex, kneeling position, sex to music, frottage

"So…."

"So…."

The elevator's music seemed to be confused. It was designed to play either Heavenly choirs or Hellish orchestras depending on who rode it. Now it played a mix of both to the consternation of its occupants. It had met the demon and the angel halfway between Heaven and Hell, and that by itself was unusual, but then they had both taken the elevator back to Earth at the same time.

The elevator that went to Heaven and Hell, with Earth a stop between them, so to speak, knew this had never happened before. It had taken them to their sides many times. It knew them well enough to know their names, their tasks, and how they felt about certain other entities of Heaven and Hell. They both grumbled quite a bit under their breaths after meetings.

"Would you stop that," Aziraphale snapped up at the ceiling.

The elevator obliged, and the hush that fell upon the two inside was as strange as Aziraphale's outburst.

"No need to be rude." Crowley scooted closer to Azirpahale, his hands clasped in front of him and a faint smile on his face. "Did you know," he began, pausing to lick his lips as his fingers twitched in front of him, "there are no cameras on this elevator?"

"What?" Aziraphale's voice went into a squeak at the end. "Wh-why are you in just my undershirt?"

"Oh, I didn't want to ruin your jacket." Crowley tipped his head upwards, nose pointing into the air as the self-satisfied smile didn't recede.

Something was different. The elevator had been with these two particular passengers for centuries, since elevators became an invention on Earth. Crowley and Azirpahale were acting quite unlike themselves. All their mannerisms were off. They were standing closer. Aziraphale's posture was slouched and relaxed, and Crowley's was straight and tense.

"Ah, well...thanks," Aziraphale's words were casual, but the way he glanced down, blushing, belied that.

Crowley positively beamed. "We should separate after we leave the elevator, just in case. Number twenty-three, I believe."

"Number twenty-three. Good job remembering it," Aziraphale nodded to Crowley, smiling at him fondly.

The elevator didn't like this. It not only knew these two, it liked these two. It couldn't follow them outside of the elevator's premises, but it never failed to notice that a decade after it was constructed, the two always came to and from their destinations around the same time. It had always suspected they arrived and left together, separating as they suggested now.

The elevator didn't like this, and so it decided to take things into its own hands, so to speak. With a shudder and a flickering of miraculous lights, the elevator came to a complete stop.

"Wha-"

"Woah!"

The silence lasted for a couple seconds before a light tune came on came on, violins and female vocals before it turned into a wordless tune meant to have words, but without them. The elevator knew music of all the times it had existed, but it was still elevator music because it was an elevator. It did know the words to this song however.

"The elevator playing music?" That was Aziraphale's voice.

"I believe it is. I don't recognize it." The elevator had thought Crowley might. It was modern music from this year, but he did hum a lot of Queen under his breath.

"I think...it's a more modern song than you listen to." Aziraphale turned his gaze to Crowley, shooting him that fond look again. "There's no call button to get service to the elevator."

"Does the elevator take service?" Crowley sounded bewildered. "I really don't want to stay here. What if we get caught?" His hands came free, one moving to grasp Aziraphale's wrist.

Aziraphale stared down at the hand on his wrist, and the smile that lit his face made the elevator almost start running again. "I think they have more important things to worry about." He turned his hand to dislodge Crowley's, but he clasped it in a firm grip. "No cameras…."

Crowley's eyebrows rose. "What does…"

Aziraphale didn't let him finish the question. He stepped in close, a hand cupping Aziraphale's face, and smiled. "Can I kiss you?"

"I don't- That doesn't seem-"

The elevator increased the volume of the music.

"What-"

"-in the world?"

The volume decreased as both angel and demon glared around them. Aziraphale turned to Crowley first. "I think...the elevator...knows."

Crowley's voice dropped to a whisper. "What do you mean it knows? How can it know?"

The shrug was expressive alongside the pursed lips. "It's between Heaven and Hell, kind of occult-"

"-ethereal-"

"-other. Must be confused."

"Oh, that hardly changes…." Crowley trailed off, biting at his lower lip.

"It doesn't. I want to kiss you. We don't have to…." There was a hesitance and Aziraphale began to step back.

Crowley's arm looped around his waist, tugging him back toward him. "We don't have to hide anymore."

The elevator was pleased that they'd echoed the lyrics of the song playing on repeat without knowing it. It was pleased that what it had always presumed was, in fact, correct. These two belonged together. Even it, as an elevator, could tell that.

They shared a smile before their lips brushed. The contact deepened and the music swelled. Crowley and Aziraphale ignored it in favor or stripping off their clothes, tossing them aside with a fervor that spoke of a long time, thousands of years or just hundreds, of considering this act.

When they were both naked and panting, they leaned away, each gazing at the other hungrily.

"You're beautiful-"

"You're so lovely-"

Their laughter was the most free sound the elevator had ever heard. It would have clapped for them if it had hands. It felt no shame watching them, just immense satisfaction.

Aziraphale sank down to his knees and then sat on his legs. He smirked, a wholly unique look on his features, but one that complimented the glint to his eyes. "Come here. Kneel down in front of me."

"Oh, uh...like this?" Crowley carefully went to his knees. He adjusted himself as Aziraphale's hands came to his hips, guiding him forward until they were pressed together from chest to groin.

They both groaned, arms wrapping around each other, bodies shifting to find friction on their own. As Aziraphale's hands tangled in Crowley's hair, they kissed again, slower as their lips parted and their tongues slid into each other's mouths.

One of Crowley's hands drifted down between them, grasping their cocks in his hand and stroking them. Aziraphale gasped into his mouth, arching into him and peppering him with kisses.

Laughing, Crowley leaned back. "You've always been so eager."

"M-me," Aziraphale gasped. "You're the one that...batted your eyelashes...and held my hand on the bus!"

"Oh, you're the tempter among the two of us," Crowley chuckled.

The elevator was beginning to guess what had happened, but he wasn't going to interrupt them with his revelation.

Crowley's hand slid faster over their clasped cocks, rubbing them together as both their hips shifted toward each other. His mouth hung open, eyes fully yellow and forked tongue peeking out. Aziraphale leaned in, catching that tongue and sucking it into his mouth.

"Mmmm," could have been a noise from either of them.

Aziraphale arched up first, coming between them as Crowley continued to stroke them. The added sensation of the come dribbling down their cocks brought Crowley over the edge as well, and the wet mess doubled.  
They remained kneeling, though Crowley joined Aziraphale in sitting back on his legs. Foreheads pressed together, they smiled and shared a soft, lingering kiss. The music dimmed and finally faded, and the elevator started back up at its usual pace.

Aziraphale chuckled. "Elevator's a cheeky bastard."

"Language," Crowley admonished, but he was grinning too. "We should clean up."

Aziraphale snapped his fingers the wrong way, and the mess was miracled away. They were both dressed in short order, Crowley helping Aziraphale to straighten his bowtie. With a cheerful ding, the elevator doors opened.

"Ciao," came the acknowledgement from Aziraphale.

"Yes, thank you," was Crowley's response.

They went their separate ways.

The elevator delighted in the knowledge that he was likely the only supernatural object that knew of the true nature of what occurred in Heaven and Hell, except for Her, of course. The elevator never forgot Crowley and Aziraphale. Indeed, sometimes when both were in an elevator together, the same song would play for them.

One of them would invariably hit the emergency stop button.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had little idea what to do with this one, but I departed from my Christmas themes. I wrote three sentences and realized the elevator was sentient. Sorry, not sorry.
> 
> The position here is: https://www.kinkly.com/definition/853/the-kneel-position
> 
> The song the elevator plays is: https://youtu.be/fE37p70UV0I Jack Savoretti - Candlelight. The man has a killer voice! Here on Spotify too: https://open.spotify.com/track/6HnZTppnliARy1ZkPZmjJV?si=q0mpgLz3Tcyr2q-nMVtV2Q

**Author's Note:**

> I asked [Pandarson](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandarson/pseuds/pandarson) to help me with this prompt and he quickly gave me this link: https://www.bboutique.co/product/1298597511277/halo. Enjoy looking! I especially liked that these products are made by women.


End file.
